August 1, 2008……………………….Naked by the Bay
Dave Elliott called to tell me he had been working diligently on the song list for Red’s first post partum CD. He wanted me to come over and hear what he had done. I told him I needed to run into Gainesville and get some blank CDs and a printer to print them on and I would stop by and see him on my way back.
I drove into Gainesville thinking about the all the printers I had seen on line and trusted The Universe to help me find the right one. I went into the office supply house and was directed to the section filled with the printers. I had pretty much decided between a Lexmark and a Hewett Packard and knew the model numbers of the ones I had studied on line.
I came around the corner and patiently waited while two gentlemen finished their conversation. As they turned towards me I saw one had on a shirt bearing a Lexmark logo and the other had on a shirt with a big HP logo. I laughed and told them I was trying to decide between their two brands and thanked them for saving me a lot of time. I asked questions of one and then the other, sounding like I knew exactly what I was talking about, and smiled happy when I realized I actually knew what questions to ask.
The gentlemen honestly answered my questions and helped me find the one I knew would suit my needs best. Of course with my luck it was on sale and I left the store a happy shopper.
As I headed towards Dave’s house I thought about the amazing miracles in my life which had led to me to where I was right now. I smiled as I turned into Dave’s driveway and noticed the butterflies flitting around everywhere. I also realized it was August 1st, the day we always celebrated as the anniversary of the day Red and I fell in love.
Dave came out of the studio to greet me and said, “Diane, I can’t believe how many butterflies there are in my yard when I am working on Red’s music. It is simply amazing. I have felt he has been here all week telling me exactly how he wanted the songs to sound and in what order they should appear on the CD. I hope you like what I have done.”
“I am sure I will Dave. Let’s listen to what you have and then if you have a copy I can take with me I will figure out if I want to add any songs,” I said holding back the tears. I could cry later when I got home. I knew Dave had worked hard taking tracks Red had been working on, mixing and mastering them into songs which would be heard by the world; well, at least some of the world. This was a time for celebration not tears.
We went into the studio and he started the CD with what he believed should be the title cut, Naked by the Bay. It was one of the songs I liked the most out of the collection of songs I had listened to on Red’s ZOOM recorder that Red had never played for me. It was one of those lovely songs about our lives together. I was blessed to have so many songs about our love. I remembered a night when Red performed a song about my smile while sitting in with some musician-friends and one of them turned to me and said, “Your smile has been immortalized in a song. It should be.” I smiled, thankful for the memories.
As we listened to the flow of the songs I felt as though Red were standing behind us at the sound board smiling from ear to ear. I knew he appreciated all our hard work. I also knew I probably wouldn’t sell a lot of copies of this CD but it didn’t matter. I was doing this for his fans and to honor him. I wished he had felt more comfortable playing his own music on stage while he was alive as it spoke volumes of who he was and of our lives together.
When we were finished Dave gave me a copy to take home and I told him I would work on it tonight. He also said he had found some sunset photos he would email me for the artwork. I thanked him and told him I had some photos in mind of Red standing on a rock on a beach. I just needed to find them. I laughed and told Dave, “Red’s not naked by the bay in photos but I think both Red and his fans would prefer he was clothed.”
Dave laughed and said whatever I wanted to use was fine. He gave me a much needed hug before I headed out of his driveway. I was going to try to get all the way home before I started to cry because this was going to be a big sob and I have found it quite dangerous to drive while sobbing. I drove home whimpering a little and drove into my driveway just in time for the flood of emotion to come pouring forth.
Once I collected my thoughts, my purchases and my new CD, I headed up my stairs to have a bite to eat and think about where to find those photos and what had to be done to finish the CD.
I worked late into the night with the CD playing on my stereo. I found the photos of Red on the rock I had seen in my mind’s eye relatively easily remembering the day in Maine we had taken the shots. His fans were constantly saying in the Bruce and Red blog, “Rock on Red” so I knew putting Red on a rock would be perfect. I hooked up the printer and loaded the drivers. After working with it for a while I realized the software provided was not detailed enough to allow me to put a photo on the blank CD so I went to the website they suggested for an upgrade hoping it wouldn’t cost too much.
Being on dial up can be a bit of a challenge at times but when I finally found the site for the upgrade I was pleasantly surprised it would only cost me 8 bucks. That was a “gift.” I started the download and took a yoga break to bring my energy level up and to clear my head to allow The Universe to guide me to the songs I wanted to add.
“Let’s put a song from the So Far CD to help promote the sale of the hundreds of those left we had in stock,” said that voice from within. I got out the CD and listened to the first song.
“Hold On” was the first cut and I sobbed throughout the entire song. Nope, that was definitely not what I wanted. Then cut number 2 began playing and I realized that was going to be the next to the last song on the CD as the words were perfect. “I Don’t Want to Cry,” made me smile and cry all at once as I realized just how the lyrics were expressing my thoughts. Despite the fact I knew there would be many, many more tears shed for my Red, I didn’t want to cry like this anymore. I would call Bruce tomorrow and ask permission to use his song. I knew he would most likely still be up, but it was after midnight and I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. It was too late and I was too busy.
Now I had to find the final song for the Naked by the Bay CD. I wanted to something different, something to show his fans how extremely versatile his talent was. I remembered the recording he did for Dave Feder and got out the Blue Emerald CD.
Dave hired him to play for a day in his studio in Tavernier. Red played song after song and not only did he enjoy playing each song but did an amazing job on each and every one. Dave was obviously pleased with what was happening in the recording booth. I loved watching and listening to Red record and I had known Dave since I moved to the Florida Keys in 1992 so it was fun to be at his house again.
When Red got to the song entitled Vuno Mayai he told Dave, “I don’t know what to do on this one except play through the whole song!” “Go for it, Red. Play your heart out!” Dave laughed. Red put the headphones back over his ears and drew his bow across the strings making the most wonderful sounds.
Well, Dave loved what Red had done so much on Vuno Mayai he turned the volume down on the guitar levels and left the fiddle as the lead instrument in the mastered recording. I remember, when Dave released the CD, we got an email announcing Vuno Mayai was the most downloaded song on the Internet site for Indie artists for several months in a row.
I listened to that song and realized this would be the last song on the CD. I sat down to write Dave an email asking his permission to use it on Red’s post partum CD. As I opened the email account to compose a letter to him I saw the file I named Red Letters and thought I would open just one to read it and reminisce a bit, after all, I was putting together a CD of songs he had sung about us, it would be okay to read a little about his love for me. I hadn’t been to the Red Letter File since I had transferred them to my journal back in May. All those beautiful love letters trying to win me back during our brief separation and how, once we were back together for those glorious 18 days, his pledge to do anything to be with me forever.
As I started to read the first letter I could feel the tears brimming up and then I heard the children’s voices. I had listened to Dave Feder’s CD dozens of times and had heard the children singing the song but never listened to the words they sang. Tonight the words came through loudly and clearly and my mouth dropped open in disbelief.
The children sang;
Up above where I live.
I fly in to the air.
I flew into the clouds.
I was a Spirit.
I glide, Heaven, Eh-Yeah
Yes, Red. You are definitely a spirit soaring in heaven watching over me now. Thank you, sweetheart.
Thank you for everything.
I closed the Red Letter file as I knew it would only lead to more tears and I had cried enough today.
It was time for bed and I would be sleeping in an angel’s arms tonight.
My phone rang about 10pm. I went to answer it and there was no one there. I looked to see if the caller showed up on the ID and I saw a missed call from my mother. I rarely talk to her this time of the night but something made me dial her number.
“Hello,” she answered quietly.
“Hi, Mummie. My phone just rang and when I answered it there was silence. I wondered if it had been you as I see I missed a call from you. Is everything ok?” I asked her.
“Yes. Everything is ok. I called you earlier to let you know your grandmother has taken another fall and she isn’t doing well at all. She didn’t know your father any of the times he went and visited her this week. I don’t think she will be with us much longer,” she said rather sadly.
“She has wanted to go to God’s side for a long time now. Poor Grammie has been in that wheelchair hardly able to see or hear for years. I am so glad I saw her in June. I will pray for her tonight so she can go peacefully to her next life,” I told my mother solemnly. She thanked me and said it would be for the best. At nearly 98 years of age she had lived a long life and the last few years were not her happiest.
When my phone rang the next morning and I saw it was my mother I knew what she was going to say.
“Grammie died last night,” she said tearfully into the phone. “Oh, Mummie, tell Daddy I am so sorry his mother is gone,” I wished I could give her a hug.
“He took it pretty hard. I was driving back from my volunteer work at the hospital and I saw him driving on the road ahead of me. I followed him home and he drove up to the top of the driveway, got out and looked at me and said, ‘She’s gone,’ and broke down crying in my arms. I have never seen him so upset,” my mother said.
“Well, Mummie. I know Daddy doesn’t normally show his feelings but his mother is gone. If he didn’t show some emotion I would think something was wrong with him,” I told her.
“I guess you are right,” she said thoughtfully and continued. “We are headed back down town now to clean out her belongings and I wanted to talk to you a little about her diamond rings.”
As I listened to her I thought of how my family has always been all about business; as though it were important to keep our emotions to ourselves. My mother has always joked how someone must have switched me with another baby at the hospital because I am not at all like the rest of my family. I am an open book with colorful pages when it comes to expressing how I feel about anything and everything.
“Daddy and I have decided one of you girls will get the bigger diamond which belonged to her mother and the other of you will get the engagement ring and wedding band Grampa gave her,” she told me. As she said this I smiled and wondered if Red were helping Grammie understand she was now in the other dimension. Or perhaps she was helping him understand how happy she was to be with God. She had no more pain, no more disabilities, no more frustrations with life on earth. She had wanted to move on to her life in eternity ever since she had moved into the “old folks’ home.”
She’d gone through heaven’s door willingly.
I came back to my mother’s words, “We aren’t sure which one you will get but we’ll figure it out and do it fairly.”
“I am sure you will Mummie. Whichever one I get will suit me fine. Ha, I just realized. Red was going to give me a diamond for our 9th anniversary in May. Now I will get a diamond from my Grammie instead,” I told her. “Don’t worry about anything Mum. If there is anything I can do to help just let me know. I am going to get off the phone now and put her picture on my altar and send her spirit off in style,” I finished a little tearfully.
“You have an altar?” she asked.
“Yes. I use the top of my woodstove in the living room,” I told her.
“What’s on it?” she asked.
“My Buddha statue, a porcelain cross, a butterfly candle, my sage bowl and while I have been talking to you I got my favorite photo of Grammie off of my wall and now she is sitting on my altar too,” I told my mother.
“That’s nice, DD,” she said in a voice touched with a bit of wonder. Well, at least she didn’t say what she normally says, “DD, you are weird.”
Just as I hung up with my mother, my sister called. We talked for a little while and cried a little but Grammie’s death was as welcome as anyone’s death could be. We agreed it still seemed strange we would never see our grandmother again but we were glad she had moved on. I told her I was going to do a little service for Grammie at the house and that I would not be coming up for the funeral. I was scheduled to fly up in a couple of weeks and had too many commitments between now and then to try to rush up there. She agreed there was no real reason to change my ticket to get there any sooner. She was going to write something about Grammie to read at the cemetery and asked me if I would like to write one of my famous poems for her to read. I said I would send it to her in the next couple of days.
We said our goodbyes and I lit the butterfly candle and sat and prayed and cried and thanked God for finally bringing my Grammie home.
I let the candle burn for the remainder of the day while I went about my chores, wrote some notes about all the fun things I remembered about her and realized how important she was to my life. She taught me how to make gravy and pie crusts and more importantly she inspired my love for gardening and for God. I knew she was in good hands.
July 28, Monday
I called Dave Elliott to see if I could run the CD over with my suggested additions and he said absolutely. He was looking forward to finishing up the project. I couldn’t get there fast enough and we went right to work on the songs I wanted to add, got the volume levels just right and I left with a finished master CD within a couple of hours. Now it was my turn. I had to tackle the artwork.
Once home I set up a second laptop; might as well use Red’s computer to burn his CDs. Seemed fitting.
I got the photo I wanted into the software, the song list and the credits placed on the CD easily. I wanted to use a butterfly on the back of the insert and began looking online to see if I could find one I wouldn’t have to purchase but didn’t like the ones I found. I decided to take a break and read emails for a little while.
The first email I opened up was from the editor of the magazine I write for and she had taken a picture of a butterfly the previous day and sent it to me as an attachment. I anxiously waited for the download to come through. This felt as though it was too good to be true.
There it was on my computer screen the most perfect butterfly photo for the insert of Naked by the Bay CD. All I could say was Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to The Universe. I put it into the software and began printing CDs ready for distribution.
I had printed 33 of them and realized it was a good number to start with and a good time to take a break. I was going to be sending most of these to friends and family members.
I put the insert into the plastic flexible sleeve and slid a CD in on top of it. I set it on the table and sat down to look at what I had created with Red’s and Dave’s help. I put my head in my hands, elbows on the table and stared at the CD in front of me. I felt an anti-climatic feeling overwhelm me, like planning for months for a vacation and then it was over. I had worked hard on this project and I said out loud, “I wonder if you like what I have done for you sweetheart.”
The answer was right there in front of my eyes. I put my reading glasses on to make sure I was really seeing what appeared to be his answer.
I focused intently at what appeared in the little hole in the middle of the CD. As big as life, there was Red’s reply to my question. The words coming through from two separate lines on the insert below it read, “Thank you, beautiful.” When Red was happy with me he always called me “Beautiful.” Here he was, thanking me for the work I had done to honor him.
I would say I couldn’t believe my eyes, but I did believe my eyes, most completely and most thankfully.
As I was sitting there staring at the hole between Red’s legs with his loving, “Thank you,” my phone rang and it was Dave Elliott telling me, “Diane, you aren’t going to believe this.” Right now, I would believe just about anything wonderful. Our angel Red was very busy.
Dave told me he had just sent me a photograph of a beautiful fawn which had appeared in his garden in the most unusual manner and at the most appropriate time. He had just been thinking about how lonely he felt and how much he missed the lovely girl in Destin he had introduced Red and me too.
He picked up his phone to call her and saw on his caller ID she was calling him at the very same time. It had been months since they had spoken to each other and here they were, thinking of each other at the very same moment. When they were done talking about getting together over the weekend he hung up his phone and looked out into his garden. There was this beautiful fawn curled up between the trees telling him how beautiful life is. He wanted to share the vision and the story with me as soon as he could and he felt Red had brought them together. If they hadn’t met in the music store he wouldn’t have gone to Destin to get out of town, see Bruce and Red play and rekindle their love.
“Oh, Dave, I am so happy for you. I thought you two made such a lovely couple and I hope you live happily ever after. Now, I have the first copy of the completed CD hot off the printer and I would like to share it with you. Can I run a copy over to you? I can’t wait to show someone what is between Red’s legs,” I laughed into the phone.
“What? Uh, yeah, sure. Come on over. I have to see what you are talking about and I would be honored to be the first to see the finished product,” he told me.
I grabbed a few copies of the CD so I could drop them off at some other friends’ houses and jumped into my truck and headed to Dave’s. He showed me the photo of the fawn he had taken and I showed him the “Thank you beautiful,” in between my deceased husband’s legs. He now understood why I couldn’t describe on the phone. It had to be seen to be believed.
We put the CD in the stereo and sat outside with a cold beer to listen to our creation, to toast Red, to celebrate life, and to celebrate life after life.
July 31, 2008
Life’s been quite wonderful and this visit with my youngest son was nearly at an end. I so enjoyed spending time with my boys.
I made the decision this morning I would not be going back to Earthlands in October to do another psychic weekend with the group. It might be nice to join them again next year for the summer solstice but with the upcoming trip to New England for my high school reunion and the spreading of Red’s ashes on Long Island I don’t think I need to plan another trip north for awhile. Besides, it’ll be cold in New England in October!
It was also very obvious I didn’t need to be part of a psychic workshop to experience psychic occurrences. They follow me wherever I am. For this I am completely grateful. Of course, some people would call these anomalies “coincidences” and tell me I am crazy for thinking the way I do. But I have never worried too much about people telling me I am crazy. I know what I know. Like when Carl Jung was asked on his death bed, “Do you believe in life after death?” His answer was, “I do not believe in it. I know it,” and he passed on to his new life in eternity.
Following my dharma (life path) is getting easier with time; Losing my judgment of myself and others, losing my expectations, losing my worries.
I am beginning to learn how to live in this river of life without trying to paddle upstream. It’s much easier to go with the flow. Set my goals and work to achieve them, without worrying how things turn out, without becoming attached to the outcome. Always remembering there are no mistakes, life just happens while you are making plans.
What were some of the first words I put on the Reddisetgo website back in 1999? If you are traveling to see Fiddlin Red play music somewhere, please call the venue before you leave. The only thing definite is change and if you want to hear God laugh just make some plans.
Speaking of change, I had better change into something I can wear for the trip to Orlando. Jason was flying back to Maine in a couple of days and we were going to go spend tonight with his brother. I was looking forward to the ride south with my youngest son. He loves to drive and it’s nice for me to take a break from it whenever I can.
“So,” he asked, “How’s the book coming?” He’d been quite patient with me these past few days as I had spent a lot of time at my computer transferring notes from my journals, trying to get an idea what else needed to be done to finish my story.
“I think it is coming along very well. I have over 300 pages written and am now going through my assorted journals to make sure I have included all the important stuff.
“What are you going to call it?” was his next question.
“Nine Months Ago….” I said. Then I realized the date was July 31st and exclaimed, “Was yesterday!”
“Wow, that is a really catchy title. Nine Months Ago Was Yesterday. I like it,” he said with what sounded like a certain element of pride in me.
“Thank you. I just made it up by mistake,” I laughed. “Last week I realized I was coming up on the 9 month mark since Red’s death. You know, 9 months to have a baby and here I am giving almost done with it so I am giving birth to a book. You asked the question and when I said ‘Nine Months Ago’ I just realized it was yesterday. So you helped me come up with the title. Thank you,” I told him.
“My pleasure,” he smiled. It was definitely one of those meant to be things.
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