June 25, 2008..53rd Anniversary with Mum & Dad
I always visit my grandmother at the nursing home as soon as I get into town. She has been at the Odd Fellows Home since 2001 and has wanted to go to God ever since she entered this home.
Sometimes she would know who I was and sometimes I would have to explain to her who I was.
Those times were a bit uncomfortable because she seemed embarrassed when she didn’t remember but I would just hug her and tell her I loved her and remember her the way she used to be. I wondered what this morning’s visit would bring.
I walked through the doors marked with a sign “DO NOT LET ANYONE OUT” and remembered the last time I saw my Aunt Peggy in the nursing home in Farmington. It was a few months before she died. My mother, father and I had gone up to visit her and she was mad her father hadn’t been by to see her.
My mother told her sister, “Daddy died 30 years ago, Peggy. He can’t come to see you anymore.” Aunt Peggy’s immediate reply was, “Daddy’s dead? Oh, for heaven’s sake. Nobody ever tells me anything.”
The rest of that last visit Aunt Peggy was quite enjoyable. We chatted and laughed while she drifted from that day in 2004 back to the 1950’s without missing a beat. When it was time to leave I had to shut the door against her body while she fought to get out. I will never forget her frightened and angry eyes when she attempted to leave with us. She was known for her carefully calculated escapes behind delivery people and other visitors and we were warned she would probably try to leave with us. Thank God she’s in the other dimension now, but, every time I enter or leave an institution I think of her face the last time I saw her and realize that is one of those “memories” that make up me.
I went to the front desk and asked the ladies if they knew where Bertha Jackman was. They all pointed to the patio and I was glad she was outside enjoying the beautiful weather. I walked out and she looked up at me and smiled immediately.
“Hi, Grammie. I’m Diane, how are you today?” I smiled at this woman who had taught me how to make crusts for pies and grow the fruit to put into them.
“I know who you are,” she said, almost indignantly, but I think she sensed she didn’t always know her loved ones. I knelt beside her and held her hand and told her the flowers were so beautiful in the garden here. It reminded me of the beautiful flower gardens I had worked in with her throughout my childhood.
“I remember those gardens,” she said with a definite element of surprise. This was the first time in years she had remembered the flower gardens of her life. It obviously gave her great joy-not only to think of the beauty she created but to be remembering them with her grand daughter.
I visited for awhile, sitting in the sunshine with my Grammie. It felt good and a voice was telling me to stay as long as I could. This would be the last time I would see her as happy as she was today in this earth plane.
I told her what my sons were doing and she excitedly told me, “I remember them.” I told her I was going to take her son and his wife out for their 53rd anniversary dinner tonight and she was surprised my parents had been married that long.
“Well, I am 52 now so it’s good they’ve been married that long.” She looked at me in disbelief and I realized it is common not to be aware of how much time has passed. Some days I find it very hard to believe how many years I have been around and how old my children are so I can’t imagine what it will be like when I approach my 98th birthday!
When I left her in the garden I thanked The Universe for such a wonderful visit with Grammie knowing, if there was another visit, it may not be as pleasant.
June 28, 2008
Reflecting on the past few days of my Maine vacation I am astounded at the new things I have learned, not only about myself but about my friends and relatives. What a journey of learning this trip has been!
The anniversary dinner with my parents was exactly what I expected it to be; extremely rushed and somewhat uncomfortable. I’d checked out a couple of menus at some nice restaurants in the area and chose Mac’s Grill because I knew there would be food on the menu they would enjoy. My mother and father rarely go out to eat, and if they do venture out it is usually to the Chickadee, a restaurant we went to as kids to get fried clams. My father always says the same thing, “I’ll have the fried clams and no dessert. Bring my milk and the check with the meal.”
He looked at the prices on the menu at Mac’s and said, “Seventeen dollars for a steak? Outrageous.”
“Daddy, don’t look at the prices, this is my treat and your anniversary,” I told him as calmly as I could. The waitress looked at us and offered to take our drink orders while we were deciding on our meal. My father told her we wouldn’t be having drinks and I looked at her and said, “I’ll have a glass of your house cabernet.” I didn’t add, AND HURRY, but I think she could feel the tension at the table. I wanted to tell her it really was ok, that they were always this way, but I just looked down at my menu and chose the Steak Caesar, my favorite.
I steered the conversation to the things I had done over the past few days of my trip and the nice visit I’d had with Grammie, my father’s mother, at the nursing home. We ate our meals and I asked my mother if she would like to take dessert home with us. I would be too full to eat anymore there but a piece of chocolate cake had gone by and we had both looked longingly at it. Red and I almost always ordered a dessert to enjoy later when we went out to eat.
“That would be great, Diane,” she told me and I asked the waitress for two pieces of cake to go and the check. We all enjoyed the chocolate decadence as soon as we got back to their home. I slept soundly and headed out the next morning for my cousin’s house.
On the way to my cousin’s house I thought of all the fun we had had as kids in the back seat of the Mercury my uncle drove along the winding Sandy River to the place we called “Camp.” I turned down what I knew would be the last paved road to my destination and drove by an area of woods on the river that called to me. I found the first place I could turn off the road into the woods and drove back the road as far as I could before I got out to walk back to the area which had “called to me” and made me stop.
As I walked along the water I was glad I hadn’t driven any further. The road had 2 giant potholes in it and a large carcass just beyond. I could now see what had brought me here. A giant wing of feathers was waving to me from the center of the road up ahead. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I got closer to the carcass of the largest hawk I had ever seen.
My nose told me it hadn’t been dead terribly long and I knew I was meant to find it. I’ve been told my Native American Totem Animal is Hawk. Hawk is The Messenger and my messages about healing; being responsible for our own health and the health of the earth are very important. I knew my messages were big ones and this hawk’s skull, as long as my foot, was a BIG, BIG messenger.
I thought about bringing it to my cousin’s house to clean it up but remembered he had dogs so I just grabbed a few feathers and put the skull and the rest of the carcass off to the side so it would not be destroyed by any 4 wheelers or dirt bikers who may travel on the road.
I arrived at my cousin’s home a few minutes before Shelley drove in and asked her if we could walk to where the Indian burial ground my cousin had mentioned was located. We had played in the area as children not knowing it was sacred ground. I wanted to see if I felt any energy there. We walked down the road and she pointed out into the woods and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk through them. No, I didn’t need to, I wasn’t drawn to do it right now and I was feeling tired.
I was only planning on staying with my cousin and his wife for one night. We had a lovely dinner and watched the DVD I had gotten at the Psychic Weekend from my new friend Rick, the paranormal investigator. I was pleased when they expressed an interest in viewing it. While we were watching the crew of paranormal investigators taking temperature readings in the haunted houses to investigate disturbances the DVD player flickered a bit and so did the lights. I asked them if that happened often. They said no.
I explained to them I had learned Spirit World often plays with electronics and electricity because it’s an easy medium for them to influence. They are pure energy and have an easier time affecting things operating on the energy from electricity. We didn’t watch the entire DVD because it was getting late and they had to get up at 5am to get to work the next day.
I was glad they offered their newly acquired reading materials on Reiki to me before they went to bed. I was wide awake and not only anxious about the energy I was feeling but also anxious to learn some of the things they had been studying.
I went to bed and read for hours learning new hand mudras to open up my chakras, new mantras and new prayers; so much new information. I realized I wanted to stay with them another night and was going to get up and write them a note for them to find in the morning but decided I would try to get up at 5am and tell them in person.
At 5am I awoke to my cousin yelling loudly “GET OUT OF HERE!” I knew by the tone something dangerous was in his yard. I jumped out of bed at the opportunity to see some excitement and to let him know I had decided to spend another night.
When I came out of my bedroom they were standing at their sliding glass doors attempting to shoe away a Mama Bear having breakfast at their bird feeder. The baby bear had just scooted up the tree and I took a couple of photos with my camera through the glass before Mama Bear decided there were too many people in her audience and headed down the side yard for the pond. Besides, day was beginning to dawn and it was time for her to bed down for her morning nap.
“If it’s ok with you two I am going to spend another night here,” I told them. They were happy to have me stay and decided to invite their friends to come out for dinner. We could sit and talk about all of our new discoveries about life and ways in which to live it.
I called my psychic friend to see if he had any ideas on how to speed up the disintegration of the hawk skull. “Put it on an anthill,” was his first suggestion. “No, I am leaving here tomorrow,” I told him, “I need something that I can put in a bag with it and ship it home to myself so I don’t have to carry it on the airplane.”
“Borax, Grandmother used Borax when she wanted to clean bones and feathers,” he told me.
I got some Borax and some plastic bags and preceded to the spot I had hidden the skull and feathers. I knew it was meant to go home with me but as I put the plastic bags over my hands and held my breath I wondered why I was subjecting myself to such a nasty thing. Sometimes spirit moves us to do things when we aren’t quite sure why we are doing them. We just do them.
I felt I had accomplished a great task and headed back to my cousins’ house to work a little more on my journal and clean up. We had company coming for dinner.
We all shared stories about how we felt about God and Spirit World and they asked me to do readings for them. I was happy to get out my angel cards. I carry them everywhere but always wait until I am asked for help so I don’t push myself onto people.
Each of the readings I did for them was meaningful, angels and loved ones spoke to them clearly giving them guidance on furthering their educations and living life to it’s fullest. Since the cards were speaking so loudly I decided to do a reading for myself and, once again, we were awed by the messages. I drew Archangel Michael and Raphael telling me I was a healer and a teacher. I’m on the right path, I am a healer. Life is very, very good.
I am happy to be here in my purple healing bedroom at my cousin’s house, tomorrow I will be happy to be at Brett and Lindy's, and the following day I will be happy to be at Jane and Maurice’s home too. Heck, I am even happy when I am driving down the interstate highway, especially in Maine where billboards are against the law!
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