Chapter 16
February 20………….……………Key West Bound
People always marvel at the ease with which I make my trips up and down the states of Florida and Georgia. Sometimes, I amaze myself at how much I enjoy the drive, despite the fact I have no cruise control on my truck and a right knee which requires special attention. But there is no doubt,
especially for these shorter distances, I prefer driving to flying. Think of the things I would miss if I flew over the top of them.
I usually pack my vehicle the night before and allow myself to sleep as late as I want. I’m generally up with the birds and enjoy doing yoga on my deck while the sun rises over the pond, or the woods, depending on the time of year. There’s something about doing my devotions as the birds are saying good morning that makes my world the most perfect place to be, wherever in this world I am.
When Red was alive he would always sleep in an hour or more than I. Well, unless he had a golf game, a fishing date or a long drive. I would wake and listen to him breathe for awhile. There’s something comforting in the sound of your loved one’s sleeping breath. Of course, at night when he first went to sleep he would snore terribly and I would gently nudge him to turn over. I miss the deep breathing, can’t honestly say I miss the snoring, but I can still hear it in my memory.
I would sneak out of bed, trying not to disturb him, to start my day alone. He would eventually get out of bed, make himself some coffee or ride his bike up to the corner convenience store for a cup of theirs’. If he went up to the corner, he would pick up the newspaper to read and wake up.
When we were at the mountain, he would get online with his coffee and read the news there. He always kept me informed of what was going on in the world. Now, I have to pay more attention, and since I don’t watch TV, I rely on Internet news.
I learned early in our relationship not to disturb him after he got out of bed for at least an hour, sometimes two, depending on his mood. He was an artist and artists have the right to be moody, or at least think they do.
Personally, I wake up with a smile on my face ready to go and have found that disturbs some people. I like waking up in a good mood, besides, since we are all connected in this earth plane, if I wake up grumpy I may be affecting someone’s mood somewhere on the other side of the earth!
Here I was, in my new life of not having to walk on eggshells anymore, heading south on the route which had become so familiar to me. This was very different though, I wasn’t going to the Keys to be with my husband or to host services for his memory. I was going to the Fabulous Florida Keys to be with friends, listen to music, and on this trip, to deliver the box of DVDs I had so proudly produced.
I arrived in Tavernier at Karen’s house 481 miles and 7 hours later. I still think it is classically coincidental, how I located a job and a home, almost exactly half way between the Keys and the A frame Red and I had built together in foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains of Georgia. Coincidence? I think not.
Not only did I land a job halfway between where we lived and where we worked, the Nature Coast area has the highest concentration of fresh water springs in the world and is one of the loveliest places I have ever spent time.
I still remember the events which led me to my job and house on the Suwannee. I’d just gone back to the mountain in Georgia to build something and take a break from being the groupie-roadie. I was sitting in lotus position in the sunlight after a long meditation at the mountain, asking The Universe,
“What should I do with my life?”
The voices clearly said, “Find a job half way between the mountains and the Keys. You will be to pay your debt down more quickly and also be able to spend time with him in small doses. Then you will know what to do with your life.”
Within a month of that meditation I had a full time job, 481 miles from Key Largo and 486 miles from Talking Rock, Georgia. I generally follow The Universe’s directions as closely as possible. Not only was this job enabling me to be closer to my husband and pay down our debt, it enabled a disabled veteran to stay out of an assisted living facility and establish a home of his own. It was very rewarding, very profitable and very perfect. Within a year after starting that job, during a meditation, I asked The Universe to give me an investment home nearby and the very same day I found The Cypress House, 7 miles away at an incredibly affordable price.
I use my drive time to reflect on life and after 7 short hours on the road I picked Karen up and we went to our favorite restaurant, Num Thai in Key Largo. The last time I had been there was before I started the long series of services I’d done to honor my husband. I brought a copy of the DVD in for Num, the owner, and gave it to him explaining, now, he would be able to see my husband perform as he hadn’t while Red was alive. He thanked me profusely.
I ordered the same thing I always order there, Edemame, Thom Kai Seafood soup, and a spider roll. I smiled thinking of how Red always ordered J1, and a large Saki to start. Karen and I drank Green tea. I wondered why I always felt I had to drink Saki with him. One of those human ego things I did and love to wonder about; trying to analyze the why behind it.
Tonight, I had glass of plum wine for dessert.
After dinner we drove back to her place. She went to bed and I sat on the dock, watching the stars and breathing in the salt air. I saw three shooting stars that night. The upstairs neighbor had joined me and couldn’t believe the shooting stars. She told me, “Diane I sit out here all the time and never see any shooting stars!” Nature’s fire works were most impressive.
February 21st, Saturday….My First Time Back at the “Hog”
I was pleased to have slept very well. Another great thing about driving all those miles is it generally makes for a sound night’s sleep.
I went out and did my morning yoga on my favorite dock. In the past I often would see jumping stingrays or dolphin and schools of parrot fish. This morning’s visitor was a blue heron. He landed on the closest channel marker and joined me for my entire hour of devotions.
I smiled and thought of this beautiful Native American totem for Self Realization and how the heron kept appearing after Red’s death. Not only at my lake, but at after his service and then a few days later, circling over a tragic bicycle accident which took a young man’s life. Herons and butterflies are wonderful parts of nature to see regularly. I guessed if Red were part of The Universe now he might be able to influence things in nature to say hello now and then, or perhaps I just notice them because I am watching more closely. Whether he had anything to do with it or not this heron was wonderful company for morning prayers.
After my stretching and my brief meditation I sat in the chair by the bay to exchange energy with the heron feeling the oneness. I didn’t want to leave the dock before he did but I had a lot of stops on my way south and was happy to see him open his wings for flight. I was even happier when his flight plan brought him right over my head.
A tear ran down my cheek as I walked back to the house to make my morning tea and head for Key West. Today’s 90 mile journey would have many breaks in it before I delivered the DVDs to Bruce in Key West.
My truck was packed with some of Red‘s golf clubs, his fishing gear, a few books and other belongings he didn’t need any more. I wanted to distribute these items amongst his friends. It would mean lots of stops, lots of tears and as many hugs as I could possibly get. I am a firm believer, and state it often, “You can never get too many hugs.”
If you’ve never been to the Florida Keys you cannot comprehend what a joy the 90 mile drive is from Tavernier to Key West. Crossing bridge after bridge over aqua-colored, Caribbean-like waters is breathtaking. There’s always something happening; dolphin surfacing, tarpon jumping, fisherman fishing, ospreys hunting and pelicans gliding just inches above the water. I think my favorite spectacle is the pelicans flying in formation along side your vehicle escorting you across the bridges. With so much visually going on around you it’s hard to keep your eyes on the road!
I think another reason I love the Keys so much is, “You are in de Islands, Mon.” When I moved to these islands in 1992 I fell in love with the residents’ laid back lifestyle which I now try to live no matter where I am. My ‘No hurries, no worries, take care of business without stress’ lifestyle suits me well.
There is only one drawback to paradise. Everyone else wants to be there too. Because you can drive to these islands they are easily accessible and mainland USA is infiltrating the Keys at a rapid rate. Lord knows we tried to stop it, or at least slow it down, but it is difficult to fight progress. You can still see the beautiful waters between the towering condos, town homes and cruise ships. I am glad I have made residence in another unspoiled area in Florida. Hopefully progress won’t follow me there and I can help keep the Nature Coast peaceful, at least for my lifetime.
I made my stops and delivered my gifts to Red’s friends all the way along US 1. It’s always good to feel welcome, but it just didn’t feel the same. Even though these friends are my friends too, things change when your other half is gone.
When I arrived in Key West Bruce was on stage and the energy in the crowd was great. Not as great as it used to be when Red was on stage with him. There will never be another “Dynamic Duo of Folk Music” like the Bruce and Red show. I got hugs from the locals and listened to him finish one of his original tunes trying not to hear Red’s parts playing in my mind’s ear.
When Bruce was finished with his song he said over the microphone, “I hope you brought some DVDs with you, Diane. There are at least a dozen people here who want them.”
I smiled and carried the bag I had up to the stage and set them next to his CD display, “Here you go!” I grinned.
He told the audience it was a good time to take a break, put his guitar down and shut off the microphone. I walked away, trying not to hold my breath, wondering what he would think about my work. This would be the first time he’d seen what I had done on the packaging of the Bruce and Red; Live at the Hogs Breath DVD. It had come together fairly easily as I had found the CD with the photos they’d had taken the day they filmed. The Universe helped me find that needle in the haystack very quickly. With Stacey’s help, we threw it together and printed out the first hundred in a couple of weeks.
I watched Bruce as he took one out of the bag, looked it all over, opened it up, glanced at the DVD in the case and smiled and then began taking peoples’ money. He was right. There was a long line of Bruce and Red fans walking up to the stage to make their purchases. They’d been waiting for the arrival of those little pieces of plastic.
When he was done he walked over and gave me a great big hug and said, tearfully, “They look great, Diane. You did a fantastic job.” I was so relieved. Musicians can be very particular about how their work is presented and I understand why.
He couldn’t chat with me for long there were fans to talk to and music to play. I knew the drill. He was there to work, play music and please the crowd. I thanked him for his compliments and walked out to the locals’ bench.
I listened from the bench in the parking lot area. If you’ve never been to the Hog’s Breath Saloon the locals hang out just outside the stage area, past the raw bar, where the webcams don’t reach. We can sit out there, listen to the music, catch up on life and watch the world go by. Key West has to be one of the best people watching places in the whole world.
It seemed so strange to watch Bruce performing without his side-man. I wasn’t enjoying listening to the songs I’d heard thousands of times before because Red’s fiddle, mandolin, guitar leads and sweet harmonies weren’t there. I could hear them in my mind and so many other people said the same thing. It really left me wanting something I couldn’t have.
I welcomed the interruptions of people wanting to give me hugs and tell me how much they missed my husband. I was in good company.
I spent a while talking to my dear friend who lost her mother last year. She cried about her loss and I cried about mine. I told her I’d learned how Spirit World sent us butterflies to remind us of the transformations we continuously experience, not only in death, but throughout our lives. I had just finished my story when the biggest yellow butterfly I had ever seen flew past us. We both yelled out, “Good job, Red!” and went back to listening to the music.
The members of the late night band were beginning to show up and I was happy to see them. I’d always planned my trips around The Carter Brothers Band, they are such an upbeat, toe tapping group. I was looking forward to listening to them but I began to realize how out of place I felt. It seemed strange for me to feel uncomfortable. I had been coming to Key West long before I met Red. I guess I had become the fiddle player’s wife and it would be awhile before I would be just me again.
I took a stroll down Duval and found it almost impossible to hold back the tears. I was walking on the crowded sidewalk watching everyone having so much fun while I couldn’t stop feeling miserable. I was asking myself what I was doing there when three girls dressed as butterflies almost knocked me over. I laughed and understood the message clearly. Transformation, Diane, and this transformation is going to take time, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Walking in Key West is almost always the same; loud music streaming out of bars, tee shirt shops, art museums, junk shops and a sea of happy people. It’s a great place to come to get cheered up. I wasn’t feeling too cheery today but after the butterfly accident at least I wasn’t crying anymore.
As I walked I thought of what the town was like during the different events they are so well known for; Fantasy Fest, Parrot Head Days, Ernest Hemmingway Days, and of course, all the regular holidays people celebrate take on a different twist in Key West. Thanksgiving meant wild salmon Jimmy brought back from Alaska, Christmas meant brunch at Blue Heaven and Lobster Benedict, and New Year’s Eve was the ball dropping at Sloppy Joe’s. I think some of my favorite memories would be walking hand in hand with Red during pre and post hurricane days, when the town was nearly empty due to evacuation. No traffic, no people and of course not much is open but the show at The Hog nearly always went on.
There was a palm reader in a strip mall on Duval I’d always wanted to have read my palms. He looks rather like the photos I have seen of Maharish Mahesh Yogi, long beard, long hair and deep, soulful eyes. When I saw him reading a book this evening, I started across the street and asked Red to join me, if he were around.
I walked up the steps to his space and he invited me to sit down.
I sat across the table from him and he took my hands and felt them and breathed deeply before turning them over and looking at the backs of them before focusing deep in to the palms.
“My readings are $30 and I appreciate tips. You must quit smoking cigarettes. Your lungs are clogged and you are not getting enough oxygen. You have had at least two pregnancies. You will not have to worry about money in your old age and, if you take care of yourself, you should live to be at least 90,” he said very quickly and quietly. I wondered how many people he could say that to and be correct. For me, everything was right on.
He continued, “You would be very good at playing music and …” he stopped and looked up at me before continuing, “and you are very intuitive, probably more intuitive than I. Are you here just checking me out? Do you see that I am real?”
I told him I thought he was very real and thanked him for the reading, gave him his $30 with a $5 tip and walked back to where my truck was parked at The Hog. I listened to the upbeat band for a few minutes and couldn’t feel anything but down. I also couldn’t stop the tears from flowing and realized I’d had enough of downtown Key West. It was time to head back to the home I would be spending the night at and they had three delightful dogs and a bird to cheer me up if I couldn’t come out of this funk before I got there. It had been a long day, a long week, a long few months and suddenly, I was very, very tired. I decided I would drive back up to Tavernier in the morning. There was no reason for me to stay in Key West. I wasn’t drinking and I wasn’t really having much fun trying to be cheerful. It just didn’t feel right and I don’t like it when I don’t feel right. It means I should be doing something different.
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